If Star Signs Were Homewares...
Soft Furnishings, Hard Opinions #2
Astrology. That contentious subject that will guarantee an eye-roll from at least one person in the room and leave friends wondering if you are in fact, on the verge of a mental breakdown.
I know some people think I am slightly delulu for my obsession with my horoscope but honestly, I don’t care. Spending countless hours reading various articles (Chani, Susan and Michele being my faves -IFKYK) hopelessly waiting to read the news I want to hear: Pedro Pascal is in fact going to slip into my DM’s, and he just so happens to have a winning lottery ticket with my name on it.
Have I taken this to the extreme by also watching many a Youtube, whilst I’m nearing the bottom of a bottle of wine, probably. But one of the luxuries of being a singleton in your mid-thirties and living on your own, is you can indulge in whatever niche pastimes you like, as long as you’re OK with the dog judging you, because… he does.
Am I the living and breathing depiction of the below, very much so. Men: beware.
Seriously though, I find it therapeutic and contrary to beliefs, it’s helped me in my life.
So if like me, Susan Miller is your life guru and you would sooner see Boris Johnson on an episode of Naked Attraction than sign a contract during a Mercury retrograde, this ones for you.
As usual I would like to caveat this article with a little heads up that some of the products listed feature affiliate links so I may stand to take a little commission. This doesn’t cost you a penny and in no way does this encourage my selection but if I’m going to make this newsletter work then it needs to do some work for me too.
Aries:
The leaders of the pack. A go-getting bunch of powerhouses, likely need to be sedated to sit down. Like a long burn candle: they mean business. If Mr Motivator was a ruling planet, he’d oversee Aries.
Item: Brass Coasters
Details: Mesmerising like fire, supportive and functional: will not tolerate drips.
Taurus:
Materialistic, in a good way. Owns at least 7 throw blankets, each one a necessity. Loves money but that doesn’t guarantee they’re any good with it. Blunt beyond belief, but redeem themselves by being more loyal than chilling is to Netflix. Their bed is a Chapel.
Item: Muffin 2 Seater
Details: Cosy and looking for love. Will ditch you in a second for a night in with Amazon Prime and indulgence.
Gemini:
Elusive: a character of two halves. The OG communicators, they could get shat on by a bird and have you believe it was an intentional avant-garde aesthetic. Their gallery wall is an eclectic yet contradicting myriad of visuals, but guaranteed are the high aesthetics.
Item: Maegen Statement Plate
Details: Communication skills on point, unpredictable but undeniably lovable.
Cancer:
Sensitive souls: if crying were a crime, they’d be serving life. Wouldn’t be surprising if they were found sporting a comfort blanket as a fashion accessory and keeps the fridge better stocked than an apocalypse bunker.
Item: Tabby Booth Cotton Tarot Moon Tea Towel
Details: Sentimental, delicate and welcome in any home.
Leo:
Possesses main character energy on tap. Commands attention, and deserves it. They’ve got the Midas touch, expect to see homewares with gold and a glass collection fit for parties moreover breakfast.
Item: Ikea x Gustav Westman Collab
Details: Style icon: So cool, you can’t even buy it yet.
Virgo:
If Bridget Jones were a Virgo, she might have had more luck. Her diary would have looked more like a meticulously organised spreadsheet. The opposite of a hot-mess, their draws are organised and likely have a colour-coded system that even Pantone would be envious of.
Item: Wall Shelf
Details: Curated and methodical, serves a purpose but also looks good. Will problem solve and offer support.
Libra:
Will move the furniture around daily to feel more Feng Sui. The definition of a social butterfly, you’ll likely find their handbag stuffed with a family pack of scampi fries, olives (just in case) and 3 bottle openers they swiped from friends houses, each a memory of a raucous night of debauchery.
Item: Cocktail Trolley
Details: The epitome of balance: here to serve you a good time, and pick up the pieces when it’s falling apart. Minimalist yet striking.
Scorpio:
Not a sign to fuck with: loves deeply, haunts harder. A bookshelf stacked with tarot decks, revenge novels, and an altar. Alluring candle scents—Vetiver and Musk—encased in artisanal ceramic votives. Simultaneously welcoming and intimidating with their distinguished and captivating beauty. Fair play, Scorpio. Fair play.
Item: Palo Santo Set
Details: Alluring and suggestive, their presence dominates a room and wards of the unwanted.
Sagittarius:
Happy to be anywhere else but home, unless of course, said home is a tent or a tree branch in Costa Rica. Their space has a curated selection of homewares from FB marketplace and their travels, nothing makes sense but it does have a story. Their home feels like flicking through a global travel guide.
Item: Travel Photo Album
Details: Sentimental yet not soft. Beautiful, adventurous and relish in authenticity.
Capricorn:
The workaholics of the zodiac, likely to own a dark wood desk so immovable it could withstand an earthquake. A rug that costs more than a car in one corner with supporting functional, yet chic, furnishings. They will deliver hard truths as a way to show they love you.
Item: How to make money in the sims mug
Details: Handmade, it’s taken time to craft and undeniably motivated.
Aquarius:
Possibly owns a lava lamp. Hoarders of conceptual items but never anything sentimental. Appreciators of futuristic decor and abstract art: usually found items over anything new. A home that smells like a sci-fi forest and a personality that’s wildly aloof.
Item: 3D printed Lamp.
Details: Unique, slightly out of this world and so forward thinking, it’s rechargeable.
Pisces:
Owns an art selection consisting of moons and stars and a room spray named ‘sel de mer’. Will find a way to be close to water even if it does mean setting up a kitchen-paddling-pool scenario, a cocktail named nostalgia in hand. Owns at least one seashell from their gap year travels and is forgivably fleeting.
Item: Diffuser
Details: Smells good, intriguing, lures you in and then leaves you pondering if that nostalgic scent was ever really was there.
So there you have it. Do you agree, or strongly disagree? Leave a comment and let me know what you would have picked…